I’m not anxious, normally, definitely not. Because, normally, when something scares me I can immediately act, so the fear vanishes, my mind sets on ‘emergency mode’ or in some rare cases ‘survival mode’ and that’s it. No time for anxiety.
Now, however, I am ending a very long liminal period and these last few days are being difficult to manage. I can only prepare to act, I can only try to ‘find my center’, relax, enjoy the present moment. I shouldn’t think that in a couple of weeks my life will explode, again, that I will say goodbye to people I came to really like, again. Let’s not even consider looking for a job, a house, building a new life in a new city.
So, basically, I am trying to analyse what’s going on in my brain and I think that a good part of what scares me is that for the first time I know what I want to do and this opens many bloody perspectives of failure. I want to write, of course, I already knew that, but this time I want to take a good creative writing class; and I want to work in an association, organising international exchanges. Will I be able to do that? No clue, but as always I can find some comfort in the thought that I will do my best.
Hasta pronto with some news about the new crazy novel I’m writing.
Oh, by the way, I’m writing again! The feeling is intoxicating!
Elisa Thid Emiliani 